Ok, so after having this pain in my neck <no pun intended> for 2 weeks following a gnarly little 2 on 1 sparring exercise with a couple of my Karate compadres in which I pinched a nerve somewhere in the vicinity of my right shoulder blade, I have relegated myself to finding a chiropractor. not something I’m terribly excited about, having visions of being twisted, snapped and cracked like a walnut. I’m one of those non-believers who obviously would rather walk around like Quasi Moto with one shoulder lifted, agonizingly twisting to look at you because I can’t swivel my head to the left. Sanctuary sanctuary!!
but…I’m starting to think this is the right choice. Athletes go to Chiro’s. Many friends do. they love it. I’m going for it. I’ve done my homework, asked for friendly references and been given a few card by random chiropractors at networking mixers. Armed and dangerous, and shoulders cock-eyed, I chose a few to check out this week and find the best fit for me. No walnut crackers. Gentle but firm, please.
Today I had my first visit. A Chiro in San Marcos, Dr Omead, recommended by an aquaintance at a mixer. sure, lets do it.
The Visit: The office is located at the rear of a semi-industrial building under a MMA studio. Huge tacky vinyl sign over the door that reads something like Dr Omead will change your life or your money back. Weird. You know, if there’s loud opera music playing in the waiting room, that might be a good signal to run. I’ll remember that next time. The vinyl sign too. I should take more inital cues and get the hell out quick.
so…what the heck, I’m here. This could be helpful or entertaining. I go in, I fill out a new patient form, minus the SSN and other personal info that I thought was completely innapropriate. Wait an agonizingly long time…. more opera. And, interesting… waiting room has Dr Omead propeganda DVD’s, tiny paper coffee cups for coffee and a plate of dry cookies. Brittle old guy on my left, shabby looking family on right, dirty kids. somehow I feel I’ve just entered the waiting room on Beetlejuice.
Assistant comes out. Takes me to an exam room or whatever it was. She tells me to watch a video, mind you , the room is full of more Dr Omead propeganda. Video is more propeganda, personal accounts, something about the Dr healing people, changing lives, solving world hunger, making miracles. blah blah blah. I text and take pics with my phone (below). Am I supposed to drink the Kool Aid? Do I have time to bolt out of the room? Already wasted 30 minutes here, I just have a damn kink in my back. I don’t need to watch a video about how Dr Omead parts seas and walks on water. Ok, I should just go, this is weird. Is he a chiropractor or David Koresh?
Dr Omead comes in, big face, big pasted-on smile. eyes wide. Crap, stuck now. But, I’m starting to think he would make a great B movie character…. He sits down and starts asking questions:
Dr: so what are you here for? Me: I have something going on in my shoulder/neck Dr: when did this happen? Me: two weeks ago in karate. Dr: and this is reaccuring? Me: no, just two weeks ago. Dr: I see you have sinus issues. Me:uh, yes but I’m here because I can’t move my neck, because of an injury. Dr: There are probably deeper issues. <smiling> You can’t be sure of what happened. I like to treat the underlying issues, the whole person. (obviously I didn’t buy from the 10 minute video that he was Captain America. no Kool Aid for me, thanks) you really don’t know why you are in pain. Me: yes I do, I felt it. two weeks ago. sparring. Crack, owe. just like that. I just need you to look at it. I don’t have deeper issues, serious. Dr: what about your sinus issues… Me: I’ve had them off and on since I was a kid. animals, dander, hay. you name it. I use Sudafed and my Neti Pot. Dr: so you do have underlying issues we need to deal with. Me: no, that has nothing to do with why I’m here. not sinuses, just back, neck. Dr: who have you seen regarding this? Me: I’m checking out a few different chiropractors this week. <and I’m obviously not drinking his Kool Aid, he’s starting to look smiley nervous> Dr: You are going to other doctors about this? hmm, well. It’s then that he stands up and announces that he is not going to be able to help me. I need to find another chiropractor. Thank you have a good day, he says with a strange blank smile.
What? thats it? I was creeped out, now freaked out. He still has that crazy smile but is telling me to get out. Is this like when Dorothy reveals Oz behind the curtain? Me: really, you can’t help me? Dr: no. thank you for coming, goodbye. Ok perfect, I don’t have to run, you’re kicking me out.
Thats that. I walk out, politely asking receptionist for my paperwork on the way out. I don’t need/want Dr Strangelove having any personal info on me. She asks why and I tell her because Dr Omead has decided not to treat me. She looks embarrased. Funny thing…. it took several tries to get my paperwork back… after polite requests <and then a gently firm threat, something about him not being able to legally keep my info if he’s not my doc> and her going to the back to speak to the Dr several times , she finally gave it all back. She said Dr Omead wanted to keep it. Ah, no thank you Dr Nutjob. my info stays with my Dr. You’re not touching me or my wallet. So, I leave, twisting painfully back one last time to see the odd assortment of minions in the waiting room. Save yourselves! Don’t drink the Kool Aid! Sigh… onto the next Chiro clinic. stay tuned for Tales from a real Chiropractic office…